The Waves

I came up with the title of this blog based on a post I had seen be an Internet stranger, someone that was addressing grief. Basically they talked about how at first, the waves of grief are overwhelming, like 100 foot waves that knock you down and turn you sideways, and how they keep coming over and over... And that over time, those waves maybe are only 80 feet tall... and then they stop coming quite so often. But occasionally a 100 foot wave will come out of nowhere, or we can see it coming with a trigger, and that we eventually learn to ride those waves...

Four months out and while the waves do not come as often, they are for sure of the 100 foot variety.

Separately, I feel that I have tried to keep my grief at something of a distance. I still have familial responsibilities. There are bills to pay, a kid to raise, friends to socialize with, life to live. And I highly doubt that anyone or anything I am grieving wants me to stop living my life. But there is a space where I keep my grief separate from the rest of my person, my psyche. And occasionally that personified bit of grief waves to me, reminds me that it is there, that it will wait for as long as it needs to but that it's not going away.

Yesterday was one of those days, and that is how this blog was born.

I do not need to shut my grief down so much as I need to honor and embrace it, so that I can let it go. This blog is my way of accepting my loss, and working through what it means not only for myself but my family as well. This blog is me waving back to my grief, acknowledging it's existence, so that I can get through it, and appreciate the journey all the more.