I remember thinking when I got back into the office, a scant seven days after saying a final "See you soon Daddy", that this was all kinds of wrong. How was I supposed to go back to life without him like nothing had happened? How could I not be given the same amount of time to grieve as I was given to welcome my child into the world, two events that are very much related in how they alter your reality?
Paid family leave, limited as it may be in the States, is an acknowledgement that when a life-changing event such as an addition to your family occurs, there is an adjustment period. A time to figure out the new normal. Space to freak out, cry, laugh uncontrollably, stay up weird hours, and share time with friends and family to welcome the new addition.
When I stepped back into my office, I wanted that same amount of time to do all of that in reverse. A week was not even remotely close enough to figuring out 'the new normal'. I didn't get the space or the privacy to truly grieve before needing to pretend like that loss never happened for 40+ hours a week.
Our lives don't stop, nor should they, when someone close to us dies. But I do believe that we need to acknowledge that a significant change has happened, and allow ourselves time to fully figure out how we are to proceed when we are travelling into the unknown that is a world without our loved one. The loss most definitely does not feel like 'nothing happened'.
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